Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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