DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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