there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
