I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
