whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
