theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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