I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
