Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
