): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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