he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize