A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
