Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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