haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
