last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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