TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
