a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
