i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
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