Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
