I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
