You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
