so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
