I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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