Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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