So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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