chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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