I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
