But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
