I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
