did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
