I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
