Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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