Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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