Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
