I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
