new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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