make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
