I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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