Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I wear drunk well.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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