it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
