this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
