nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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