I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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