Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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