What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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