My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
