so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
