That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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