Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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