Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
