Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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