If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize