Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
