someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
