God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
