Please, let me fuck your mom
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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