Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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