I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Randomize
