non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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