life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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