You made me cry and you don't even care
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
