I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
