I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
