You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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