We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
