i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
