Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize