I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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