It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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