Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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