So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize