I got chris browned last night
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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