he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Randomize
