nut hugger
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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