oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
being pregnant is like rehab
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
